秋天到了。。。

这个选择是我决定的，虽然辛苦，但毕竟说出了口，只能尽最大的能力办到。
相信现在的难受只是暂时的，一切都会有天成为过眼云烟。
那天到来时，我就能回忆而不觉得心酸。
坚信这是一段值得珍惜的成长心路历程。

努力微笑，明天会更好。我会更好。

你好吗？

It's been so long since I wrote a blog entry. and now I feel so old.

March 29 - April 29
May 29 - July 19
July 30 - September 11
I spent almost half a year in Wuxi, China this year.

Work wise, I really learnt a lot. Having to deal with production operators, affiliate business managers, customers, colleagues and superiors on stuff like safety, equipment use/maintenance, pay, logistics, sales, and other issues really ain't an easy feat. Especially in Mandarin. Of all these, the biggest headache is the China Customs. Unbelievably lots of procedures and hidden out-of-the-blue surprises.

People wise, I realised I am quite good at communication, between different departments, different levels. They work alongside one another for years, and yet they don't talk but come to me to solve their problems. But I am glad to be able to slowly make these people I work with more than just colleagues.

Life wise, I am well taken care of by the company. I have a rented apartment, a driver to and from office, and a cleaner to tidy the flat. The rest of the time I get around by taxi, going for massages, shampoo treatments, and shopping. It feels increasingly like a home now.

But Singapore is still where my heart feels at home. I still keep up-to-date with the girls through Whatsapp, still kpo on Facebook despite the great Chinese firewall, and I still Skype call my family regularly. I worry that the people back home aren't safe and well, that they are unable to reach me when they need me because of the distance, that they have things they aren't telling me for fear I get anxious.

This time round, I'm going back Singapore to celebrate my 26th birthday. I expect to be home for about 2-3 weeks, because I feel a responsibility to be the bridge to straighten things out at home. I also want to be able to meet more people and spend more time with each person.

But there will be someone holding on to the strings of my heart in China, this guy who makes me smile, who treats me like a little girl when he is obviously the young one who needs taking care of, who creeps around when I am in a temper. He is the one guy I didn't expect to fall for, but I did, quickly and furiously.

Sigh, trying to make things work over long distances will not be easy, no matter which aspect.

tired old soul

今年是注定要做浪女的。短短一个月的停留后，下周又要飞了。
头脑被工事搞得一团乱，心也好多牵挂的事。
但顾得着一边，就顾不了另外一边。

不知怎地，心空空的，感觉没有力。 想找个靠岸歇息，不在奔波。

太多drama 不想听。

bravo

ended yet another one, making this number 4.

the extent of your friendship is actually writing a ridiculously long comment on my friend's Facebook post extolling your virtues and hinting at me being a player in the game of love.

win. i would love to reply and start a long drawn out cyber war, but I'm above and beyond that.

so let's just not be friends. you have made it clear you think i treated you for a fool, and i shall be clear i do not appreciate your actions post-breakup.

maybe NOW i will start playing, big time playing.

Wuxi, China day 14

burning midnight oil even when overseas. realised the people here are actually quite nice, finding it amusing to be using so much Mandarin everyday.
but i still hope to clear the irritating audit round one tomorrow. so that i can be one step closer to finishing this task and getting home soon, hopefully by the Labour day long holidays.

some things I only see when I'm some distance away. some things you only realise you've lost it after it's not there anymore.

we will be stronger, and grow to be more mature. what doesn't kill us will make us stronger, albeit years later.

even after lowering my expectations of the hygiene standard, door-less toilets are still a shock.

how come...

how come we used to be able to meet up and talk freely, but somehow it has changed?

it makes me sad.

a lot of free time in China, I shall use it as rest.

22 Mar 2012

an important day, the day 2 things in my life changed.

for the better or worse, only time will tell.
明年的这天，再来 refresh and update ba.

packing is such a tedious chore, especially on a slow mo rainy day.

suddenly!

so many things happening suddenly.
it's a question of timing, it's a question of opportunity.

it's a test. of character, of decisions.

no one knows what will happen. exciting yet damn freaking scary.

久违了，部落格

已经是大人了，理所当然应有大人的思维，解决大人的问题。
但她们说，关于这个问题，我的解决方法应该会是没用的。
难道解决问题，不是应该勇敢面对吗？ 难道逃避才是办法？ 难道因为没办法知道绝对的答案，所以把问题埋藏起来？


但对于别的问题，我却想找个洞躲起来，假装一切很好。
因为似乎已经知道结局。但我心里好难过，揪成一团的痛。

虽然心里很难过，但不知向谁诉说。其实也不是很想诉说， 因为知道多说也无用。诉说了却又不能减轻那股痛。
对你说了，又似乎是种依赖。而这依赖又会加剧我的问题。

唉。躲进厕所哭了冲凉，裹棉被睡觉吧。

14-02-12 = 0

haha Vday tomorrow, and I'm still single. So I'm meeting one of my best friends for a simple dinner to chat and catch up. Remember last year, we were 3, and one of them is still in NZ now. haha ASS!! last year we had roses and cards too. But not this year, I'm too busy.

喜欢你给足我面子，尽显你的诚意。但担心你的挥霍，及黏我的程度。
但我喜欢你给的空间，和你的与众不同的点子，不会沉闷。

却又还在寻找那心动的感觉。 他妈的。

5-2cmi-1xbk = 2 KIV

have u ever had a meal by yourself, all alone, seated with an empty chair opposite you, in a proper restaurant where other people/ couples are sharing a meal together? does the thought seem daunting?

it's funny how the waitresses and servers are a tiny bit more flustered when you hold up a finger to indicate a table for one. do we really have to over-analyse everything and peer closely at all the possible connotations and consequences?

can't i do something because you asked and i had nothing to do? can't i ask you because i know you have nothing to do, and will agree? but somehow this seems like how a lot of shit happens. haha

those things i'm looking for are not in you. it would be disappointing if i had any expectations to begin with.

lack of slp

Happy that I bought my hp. just didn't expect it to be so ex, and when filling out the Warranty card I shook my head at the date. Haha

I have been slacking at work doing absolutely nothing. but busy with an after work schedule. which explains my severe lack of sleep. I need 7 hours sleep, if only I can sleep in office!!!

people meeting is fun, in some interesting un-thought of ways. haha

but family's falling apart, all because of a TV saga. boo

Dragon year huat ar!

The usual round of visiting relatives is getting boring. Yet there is not much else to do. Stop asking me about marriage. Haha

Oh, can u please help me understand what she's like, so I can know how I lost.

Hmm

This feels like a one way communication portal. U can see what I say but I've no idea what your response might be.

Tested my limit today and am glad to clear that obstacle. Really found that unruffled heart. It feels good to know for sure that the past is over.

N now I'm sleeping past 12midnight again. The whole week. Gosh

damn

talking to Prue last night, I really do miss NZ. I know we did almost nothing constructive there, spent a lot of time and money, but it was at least fun. Which is more than I could say about my job. I spent half my time on my mobile today whatsapping.

i should quit whining and get moving. run like I did that day. maybe what I need is a big shocking event. LOL

thinking that the 3 days of the CNY work week I may go to the Sentosa flower event, in the day, when there's no one else who has a company shutdown.

huat ar!

Loving...

4 days work week,
A great night with a close pal, interesting movie n great conversation,
An impromptu dinner n beer session with a fresh combo of old friends

Enjoy the weekend!

leave it in the hands of luck!

i just applied for the job i mentioned once before, just because i'm fed up with the super slacking attitude at my current job. i know i'm supposed to be handed less stuff because i'm new, but certainly not to this extent. i thought i'm supposed to be slack by nature, but this is too much!

i need some challenges before i rot to death, before i stagnate and become comfortable and scared to change my environment.

with no idea of what i wanna do, i just applied for the job, and shall leave the rest to fate! maybe some things in life i just have gotta do it without much thought, just like jumping off the airplane when skydiving! maybe it will turn out for the best, who knows! just gotta try, right? wish me luck, i'll let u know if i quit! hahaha